BarrieBergman

Arts and Crafts

I’m on several boards of art organizations.  Up until a few years ago these organizations were funded by either a university or by the local government.  In our present economic environment, the arts in our country have gotten short shrift.  We’ve cut school budgets, community playhouse budgets, dance funding, music funds, and painting classes.

What place does art have in a successful society?  Why should we care about local drama classes?  Art is a mirror of our society.  It’s a way of looking at ourselves in a skewed prismatic mirror.  Art points out our foibles and our strengths in a different way.  Strong societies nurture art.  I hope we get the message before we lose some of our most valuable resources.
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The short term Kardashian wedding seems to have started a trend.  Celebrities are throwing away marriages as fast as they can start them.  I, for one, am terribly worried.  Just last week Heidi Klum and Seal, a marriage for the ages, split up.  Now my favorite fat person, Aretha Franklin, announced her wedding is off, stillborn before she could even enjoy marital bliss.  I think we need a congressional commission to look into this growing problem.

Musings

I kinda like Mitt Romney.  He’s handsome, prolific (lots of kids), and he’s a good businessman.  He jumps around on issues, but then don’t most politicians.

I’m probably not his target demographic, since I’m a Democrat, and I’m not going to vote for him.  But among the respective Republican candidates, he’s an easy choice.  Thus, I’m sick of Romney getting pilloried for being a good business person.

If more people in government had a clue about how to make money (i.e. buy low, sell high) we might be able to finance our debt without running a series of fund raisers.  Perhaps, if we could get some of the same greedy bastards that run Wall Street to run the government, we would do better – Oh wait – we tried that under Bush, and look how it turned out.
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A fan at a hockey game was recently fined $200 for throwing a banana at a black player.  Police said there wasn’t enough evidence to charge him with a hate crime.  What do you think it was, a dislike crime?  Later in the game another fan threw a bagel at a Jewish player, but he wasn’t charged because there was no cream cheese or lox.  Yeah . . . I’m just kidding about the bagel.

It’s OK for hockey players to beat the crap out of each other, just don’t throw stuff on the ice, except in Detroit, where they throw octopi for some unfathomable reason.

High Times on Stage and Off

Continuing last week’s theme of Arlene and Barrie go to rock and roll shows . . .

We once went to a show with James Brown, where he peeled off 2 one hundred dollar bills from a huge wad of money.  He handed the cash to the guy at the door and said, “Let my friends in.”  I was backstage one night talking to Sam Cooke, and I happened to mention that my girlfriend was in the audience.    Sam said that he wanted to meet her.  So he and I went into the small balcony, where he could meet Arlene.  He sat with us and talked for a long time.  To an awestruck kid, it doesn’t get any better than these experiences.

Artists say the damnedest things on stage.  Wayne Newton says, “You’re the greatest audience I’ve ever had,” every night.  Do not ask how I know this or whether I ever saw Wayne Newton live.  Once you get by the usual clichés of, “Hey Altoona, are you having fun?” or “We’re gonna party all night long,” some artists reveal themselves by what they say. Tony Bennett, admittedly long in the tooth, said, “What a night” about ten times.  Linda Ronstadt complained about how cold it was in two different concerts over a ten-year period.  Get a sweater, bitch!  Miles Davis played with his back to the crowd and never said a word.

Katy Perry, playing at home in Santa Barbara, was excited and made the evening very personal with wonderful local memories.  James Taylor sang, In My Mind I’m going to Carolina in California, and transported me home to NC without a plane.  Mary Wells, having throat trouble that eventually derailed her career, came on stage and just waved, showing she was at the concert.

The list of remarkable things go on and on, but my favorite was a middle level country singer performing in Dorton Arena, a converted agricultural building at the NC State Fair, who said in perfect sincerity as he ended his act, “Raleigh, I’ll never forget you.”

Now on Our Stage

Over the years I’ve seen some of the greatest entertainers.  My father started to take me to see great talent, when I was a little kid. Arlene, my wife, and I continued the practice.

My father took me to see such varied performers as Nat King Cole, Marilyn Monroe, and Gene Autry.  We saw Bob Hope, Perry Como, and Spike Jones.  We also saw Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, and a host of other people.

Arlene and I have seen everyone from Bruce Springsteen, Elvis, The Rolling Stones, James Brown, and Tina Turner, when she was still with Ike.    Throw in Ray Charles, Led Zepplin, Sam Cooke, and literally thousands of others, and I’ve had a good look at the entertainers of the last part of the 20th century.  Looking back on all these shows, I’ve seen and heard some amazing things on stage. 

I even got to be on stage a few times.  Alabama once gave me an award in front of 16,000 people, and our family got to sit on stage during an Eagles concert.  The energy that comes toward the stage from that many people is a pretty heady experience) and is responsible for some incredible stuff that I’ve heard performers say and do.

I saw Elton John get hit by something someone in the audience threw at him.  He went down like a brick, out cold.  He came back later and finished the concert with a big bandage on his head.  One night I was in the first row for a Zepplin concert, and I didn’t stand up, when Robert Plant told the audience to stand.  He started yelling obscenities at me.  I saw Charlie Rich, the country singer, get so drunk on stage that he fell off of his piano stool.  I watched Warren Zevon swig an entire fifth of vodka out of the bottle, while on stage.  When we took a picture after his set, I had to hold him up, because he couldn’t stand.

I met Jimmy Reed, the great blues singer, laid out on a table, because he was so drunk he was too drunk to stand.  Arlene and I walked in on Jackie Wilson, when he was naked, which was thrilling for all of us.  I’ve got a bunch more.
To be continued next week . . .

My New Year’s Resolutions

 1.    Spend less time with serial killers on television and in books
 2.    Lose weight
 3.    See my children and grandchildren more
 4.    Don’t let the stock market upset me
 5.    Don’t let politics upset me
 6.    Lose weight
 7.    Travel less and enjoy the wonderful place I live
 8.    Go to more movies and watch less television
 9.    Eat and drink less
10.    Don’t get crazy, when Carolina loses a basketball game
11.    Lose weight
12.    Don’t get angry, when some deluded person misses a line call and calls one of my ace services “out”
13.    Go to the beach more
14.    Be charitable to people rather than institutions
15.    Stay in touch with my friends
16.    Lose weight
17.    Walk more stairs
18.    Spend more time with my lovely wife.

Happy New Year!

Best and Worst of 2011

Worst:
    1.    Team:  Indianapolis Colts without Peyton Manning.
    2.    Movie:  W.E.  I haven’t seen it, but Madonna directed it, and that’s enough for
             me.
    3.    TV Show:  Charlie Sheen’s reality show.  Yeah, I know it wasn’t a show, but it
             was close enough.
    4.    Politician:  Tie - all Republican Presidential Candidates.  Who will be the
             tallest dwarf?
    5.    Government:  Tie - All members of the European Union.   Amazing . . . the
             U.S. government didn’t even make the top ten!
    6.    Institution:  American college athletics.  What a mess – cheating, sex
             scandals, and out of control greed.
    7.    Family:  The Murdocks.  Rupert must be very proud of such a scurrilous
              group.

Best:
    1.    Firing:  Hank Williams, Jr. from Monday Night Football.  Hank, put a sock
             in it.  Also, write a song, and don’t mention your father.
    2.    Divorce:  Kardashians.  Honorable Mention – The Bryants & The Demis. 
             That’s Demi Moore, you fools.
    3.    Sports Teams:  UNC Basketball – soon to be National Champs, again.
    4.    Broadway Show:  Book of Mormon.  It’s hysterical.  Don’t miss it.
    5.    Place to Live:  Santa Barbara.  Don’t move here.  You’ll hate it.
    6.    Airline:  None.  Good airlines don’t exist.
    7.    Wine:  OPW – other people’s wine

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, and Merry New Year!

Godspell

I have always been offended by Tim Tebow.  He is the quarterback for the Denver Broncos and former Heisman Trophy winner at Florida, who makes a big show of his faith.  He kneels and prays on the sideline and continually points at the sky.

Tebow seems like a nice young man, and maybe I’m offended because I’m Jewish and not a member of the club.  But I’ve had trouble with the concept that God cares who wins a football game.  It seems to me that our deity (I sure hope he exists) is busy with other more weighty matters than the winner of a game.

However, in the last several weeks, Tebow has engineered some of the damnedest comebacks I’ve ever seen in sports.  For three quarters he is terrible, and in the fourth quarter it’s as though he has been touched by the hand of God.  Last week only the incredible stupidity of the Chicago Bears plus Tebow could cause the Denver win.

What is going on here?  Why is this happening?  I think it’s faith.  Tebow and his teammates think it’s God, but I think it’s spirituality or for short – spirit.  They believe Moses or Tim can lead them to the Promised Land, and son-of-a-gun, if it doesn’t happen.

No matter what is going on, true faith is a wonderful tool.  If the quest is true, it couldn’t hurt and usually helps.  Don’t laugh if you see me on the tennis court, kneeling before my matches.  Couldn’t hurt.

Siss Boom Bah!

College athletics have ben important to me since I was a young child.  Growing up in Durham, North Carolina, I became a UNC fan.  My first hero was football player Charlie “Choo Choo” Justice.  When Carolina won the NCAA basketball championship in 1957, I was as excited as I’ve ever been about a game.

Later I switched allegiances, when I went to Duke, but switched back UNC because we had too many family members split, and I lived in Chapel Hill anyway.  The Tar Heels became my team.  I have gone to a lot of games.  I’ve traveled to Bowl games and Final Fours.  I’ve spent countless hours glued to the TV screen.

The reason that I’ve recounted this personal journey is because I have just about had enough of college athletics.  The greed and the lying, the insistence that “it’s all for the student athletes,” is making me ill.  Now we are faced with several sexual abuse scandals, which were covered up by schools to protect the programs (i.e. the money).

We need a new model for universities.  Either sponsor teams with paid players, who don’t attend the schools, or revert to a inter-mural model more like the Ivy League, but less commercial.

The athletic tail is now wagging the educational dog.  The schools have lost their way, and it’s starting to hurt their educational goals.  In a time when budgets have been cut and tuition costs are going out of sight, it makes no sense to occupy college time and energy with a preoccupation on the business of athletics, which has nothing to do with education.

Blue Monday

I’m easily pissed off.  Child abuse pisses me off.  Cheating in college athletics pisses me off.  All politicians piss me off.  Therefore, it should come as no surprise that Black Friday pisses me off.

No, I’m not unhappy about consumers running willy-nilly spending money; I just don’t like the term.  Some fool analyst on Wall Street came up with the name because supposedly the day after Thanksgiving is the day retailer’s P&L statements go from red to black.  This is only true occasionally, and it differs widely from industry to industry and year to year.

I could understand if we called this day “Green Friday” because it’s certainly the day money shows up, but co-opting the name of the day that the stock market crashed in 1929 is like somebody chewing gum loudly.  I can’t stand that either.

Now that all that is cleared up, we can also delete Cyber Monday too.  Any retailer knows the last full Saturday before Christmas is the biggest shopping day of the year, because people procrastinate as long as they can before coming out to shop.  The only reason the last shopping day before Christmas is not the biggest day is because most stores close at 6:00 p.m. that day.

Last week amid the turkey and football, Roger Federer proved once again that older gentlemen can still play tennis by winning the year-end tournament.  Black Friday my ass.

What I’m Thankful for This Thanksgiving

1.    a. The Kardashians
       b. Bruce, Demi, and Ashton (to me they will always be together)
       c. The Simpsons (not the cartoon, although the sisters act like one)
       d. The Murdock Family (great listeners)
    
2.    The Super Committee:  They’ve shown us all, that just when we thought Congress couldn’t get any worse, they could.

3.    Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Perry:  The best trio since the Supremes.

4.    NASCAR Fans, who booed The First Lady:  They gave us a new level of bad behavior, even for rednecks.

5.    Lee Corso, ESPN analyst, who said, “Fuck it!” on the air:  With all the handwringing one would have thought he exposed his nipple.

6.    College Football:  They have shown us what greed and lack of institutional control can cause.

7.    The University of North Carolina Tar Heel Basketball Team:  No. 1 and counting.  Go Heels!

8.    Warren Buffett:  A voice of reason in the insanity of world finance.

9.    Clint Eastwood:  Makes great movies, calmly and without blowing up anything.

10.   My family, friends, and my health:  Hug everybody you see.   You’ll be amazed at how much love you get back.